Pain is an indicator that something is wrong. It usually causes discomfort, can be irritating and can even be an inconvenience. Ones ability to deal with the pain they encounter is determined by their tolerance level. Because everyone’s tolerance level is different what may be drastic to some may be brushed off by others. Some pain will leave you unable to move or function, while other prompts of pain may still afford you the ability to work through it. Although the level of pain may be different according to the individual, one thing we can all agree on is pain does not feel good and produces a feeling of hurt.
Pain is not easily expressed when you are not the one dealing with it. In fact, in some cases you may have an idea but your idea may be slim in comparison to the truth of what that person is going through. “My ______ hurts. I’m in so much pain!” The first question you may be asked is “what kind of pain are you in?” If it’s coming from a place within that cannot be seen additional questions may be asked in reference to where the pain is coming from in attempt to figure out what may be the cause. However, when it’s pain coming from a wound or area that can be seen with the physical eye the person may ask “was this done by you or someone else?” It’s easy to point the finger or blame someone else for the pain we are going through, but it’s not always easy to admit when we are the cause of our own pain. Doing so would mean we are acknowledging and owning our part in what we did that was possibly wrong. This is often the case when we are challenged or corrected in areas where we need to flat out make some adjustments and changes. Let me explain.
I recently had a conversation where the person I was talking to made a few comments about something I was not doing right. I listened as they talked and the more I listened I begin to feel my pain trigger being pulled. You ever see those noise meters on games shows where the louder the crowd gets the further the dial moves to the red/hot section indicating the level of noise is increasing. Well that’s sorta how I felt in that moment. My level never reached the flaming hot section, however, it did move. At the end of the conversation I took a minute to process our dialogue. I had to challenge my hearing to make sure it mirrored what was said. Often times how we hear does not line up with what was said, and when this happens it leaves room for offense and other unnecessary emotions and feelings. In this moment I had to ask myself the question, “What kind of pain am I in?” Yes I was feeling the effects of what was said, but was it said “to me” or was is said “for me”? It’s like talking “at” somebody verses “to them”. One is usually tearing a person down while the other is calmly expressing a concern or issue. Both is a form of communication but you will find they each produce different results.
It’s T time! So lets talk about it….
Pain comes in many forms and is easier to access when you can effectively communicate what is wrong. But what about the pain of our emotions? What about the pain of our feelings? This pain can’t be seen with the physical eye and if you’re not honest you will not described what you are feeling properly, but this type of pain can be seen in our actions, reactions, posture and attitude. You see, the pain of what I began to feel was a result of what was said to me, but what was said to me was the after effect of what I did… or didn’t do. It would have been easier for me to look at the person and fault them for saying anything period, but then I would’ve missed the point and opportunity to take what was said to better myself for the future persons I will encounter. It is important that we take ownership for our wrong in situations and see ourselves (when rightfully so) as the cause of the pain we encounter. It is also important that we are honest with those we are in relationship with. We have to be careful we don’t make the mistake of thinking if we hold back information that will help them, it will save a friendship… all while we watch them fail at what they can be great at doing or great at being. Communication is key! Read Hebrews 12:5-7. Verse 6 says – “For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.” Now that may sound harsh but verse 7 reminds us that that’s what a good father does to his children. This may be hard for some to understand or accept but think about it, when God blesses us He uses a person, so the same must happen when He corrects us. We make the mistake of thinking we can have one without the other. God loves us enough to bless us when we are right and rebukes us when we are wrong. Because we know the heart of God it makes it a little easier to accept this. But what about you and I? Well I believe the same applies to us. When you love a friend you will tell them the truth… even when it hurts. And when you know the heart of the friend telling you this truth it should make it easier for you to accept it… even when it hurts. Any type of cut or being cut is painful, but you must know the difference between those stabbing you in your heart to hurt you and those cutting away what is not needed to help you. Your growth depends on it.
T’s truth in love…. <3